Should I Stay or Should I Go?

This is the question I have been asking myself and God since yesterday.

I'm set to leave for Mindoro Occidental tonight at midnight to join my team in our 3rd missions trip/conference; however, I've been having second thoughts about going since last week. I want to go, but there are a few things that are holding me back.

1. My 2day leave was disapproved. My boss told me I could go on leave for just one day, but preferably not Wednesday because of the many deadlines we have to meet this week. I thought, "Seriously. did you even read my reason for filing a 2day leave? How in the world can I go to Mindoro on Tuesday and be back that same day so I can report on Wednesday?" Some people just don't know how to use their brains. Well, okay. She said I could go when I talked to her last night; but I heard from our HR-Assistant that my boss was half-hearted in letting me go. So what's another boss like me got to do?

2. My health is my main concern. I have rheumatoid arthritis (an autoimmune system disease), MVP (mitral valve prolapse) and a suspected cardiomegaly (enlargement of the heart). Heat, stress and tension are just some things my doctor advised me to stay away from. While I find this utterly impossible for the simple reasons that I live in the Philippines and that stress and tension are inevitable, I feel that I will only further jeopardize my health by going on this mission trip this year. Every night at work, perhaps around 8 or 9, I start having chest pains and breathing difficulties and shortness. Sometimes the chest pains I feel get too painful that even a simple inhaling can make me feel like being stabbed in the chest with a dagger. When I get to Mindoro (if I go), I won't be a princess. I will be out in the sun from sunrise till the closing of the day teaching and doing volunteer work; and if anything happens to me, I'm not sure how I will be. I don't even know if there's a hospital in that area.

3. The heat is just too much. Yesterday was one of the hottest days so far this summer. So hot that being under the sun for less than 5minutes made me feel as if I was being grilled. I already had sunscreen on; but I felt that even SPF50 is not enough to protect myself from the heat. Aside from that, I get migraines when it's hot; and mind you, it's not just hot right now, it's burning hot.

4. I won't be able to rest in Mindoro. This mission trip/conference is not a form of vacation. My team and I go to Mindoro, and teach the locals everything from proper hygiene to Christianity. At times we even feed them. I have been doing this yearly since 2005.

Now as much as I want be a part of this mission trip, I'm not sure if my health can. People know me for pushing myself way beyond the limits set by my illnesses, but this time, I'm having second thoughts. People are counting on me to be there; but my health is hoping for me to listen. Is it really worth it to be part of a ministry such as this while my health is crying for concern and attention? I haven't found the answer yet, but I should.

Please help me.